Oh, That Daughter of Mine
by cookiedough15
Summary: What did Emily think of Lorelai, and then of Rory? Emily's thoughts on Lorelai at sixteen, and probably until either the beginning of the show or now.
1. Someone Else Lives Her Life Instead

**Oh, That Daughter of Mine**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, you know that. **

**A/N: This will probably go until either the beginning of the show or all the way up to the latest episodes, or it will juts stop, depending on reviews. It probably won't have too much of a real plot, because it is just telling what Emily thinks of Lorelai, and then of Rory, and of their lives. It is sort of like a diary, and each paragraph is at a different time, a different thought in Emily's head.**

**Chapter One: Someone Else Lives Her Life Instead

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I can't believe her, acting this way, staying out so late and climbing in through her window. She spends so much time with Christopher, too! He's a nice boy, but he's so wild. If I'd acted that way at her age, my mother would have killed me! She's always at parties, and she always acts as if Richard and I don't know anything about what she's doing. I'm afraid she might go too far with Christopher soon, and I can't allow that to happen. I'm calling the minister tomorrow, to ask if he'll come and talk to her. Perhaps I'll call a priest and a rabbi too, the more religion the better; and it can't hurt. Surely having all of them there will make her think about this first!

Oh my God! Lorelai is pregnant! How could this have happened? What about the minister? This can't happen! Lorelai's life is ruined! My life is ruined! Everyone will see the Gilmores differently now, think "_Their_ daughter got pregnant at sixteen, _they_ must be terrible people." All these years, all I've wanted is the best for her, and then she goes and ruins it all! How could she spoil such a beautiful life? She was going to have it all, the perfect debutante ball, she was going to go to Yale, and get married to someone who could take care of her and give her the life she's always had, the life of a society lady like all the Gilmores have had. How could she ruin everything like this?

I have had it up to here with those Haydens! Obviously the only thing to do is have Lorelai and Christopher get married, but _they_ won't see it that way! "Isn't there some place you could send her? A home for girls… like _her_?" Honestly, that terrible twittering woman! I must admit that this is a horrible situation, but she is my daughter, and I am not sending her away to get rid of my grandchild! The Haydens just don't want to spoil Christopher's future by having him married so early, but Lorelai's future, oh, hers can be totally ruined! Even though this child is half his fault!

Lorelai has been staying home from school for the past three months, because her school uniforms don't fit anymore, and the school doesn't want her to be a bad example for other students. All she does all day is listen to her silly music and watch television and eat junk food. The baby is due in two months, and we don't know what will happen after that. I suppose we will wait until they are eighteen, and Christopher and Lorelai will be married. I know they don't want it, but it is the only way. When you get pregnant, you get married! It's what you _do! _

I can't believe it! Richard and I were having tea with some friends on the patio, and Lorelai was upstairs in her room, and then she went into labor! And she didn't even _tell _us, she just left a note on the table. Honestly! You don't just leave a note and drive to the hospital, you come and tell your parents and ask them to dive you. And I told her that when we came to the hospital and caught up to her just as she was going into the delivery room. She didn't even respond except to tell us to go away! Goodness!

Well the baby was born an hour ago, and I went in to see Lorelai, and tell her that since she and the baby were fine we should go home soon. She was still a bit off because of the drugs, and she said she'd named the baby Lorelai, and ranted on about how men named their children after themselves all the time, why couldn't she? She kept talking and finally she said, "I think I'll call her Rory because wouldn't it be confusing to have two Lorelais around all the time? I don't know why Rory, but it makes sense and look at her; she looks like a Rory, doesn't she?" Then she held out the baby for me to see, and I picked up the little girl, and suddenly I felt just the same way I did after I saw Lorelai for the first time. This was my granddaughter. _I have a baby granddaughter and I love her_, I thought. She was so tiny, and so beautiful. I'd forgotten how it felt to hold a baby in my arms. But I couldn't show this to Lorelai! Lorelai must stay as detached from this child as possible, if she is to have any kind of successful life after this. If the nanny raises this girl, and Lorelai isn't too troubled by her, then she could still go to college and, maybe find a good husband, and have a good life. So I can't show Lorelai how I feel about this little girl. No matter how much I want to hold this baby and nurture her and care for her myself, I can't let Lorelai see. I have to do what is best for the Gilmores.

I don't see why Lorelai won't just do as I ask and go to school and act normal. I hired a nanny for Rory, I bought her everything she needed, but Lorelai refuses to let the nanny care for her child. When I ask her why, she screams at me. "She's MY baby, I should take care of her!" "I don't want her not to know me!" All I want is for Lorelai to go back to being a society girl. I've tried so hard to restore her life to normal, and she doesn't even want it back. All I want to do is help! And she won't let me!

Rory is crawling all around the house now, and wreaking havoc on my decorative china. But Lorelai won't let me and the nanny keep her in the nursery. She is nine months old now. Lorelai takes her out walking every day after school, and the stroller hasn't left the front hall since the week Rory was born. Lorelai still won't act like a normal girl her age, and hasn't gone out to a party since her pregnancy. I try so hard to make it easy for her, and she just throws it away, coming whenever Rory cries. She doesn't seem to understand that's why we hired the nanny.

Rory is 11 months old now, and stands up if she holds on to the sofa. It's so amazing to watch her grow. I'd forgotten what it felt like to have a baby. I try not to show this love to Lorelai, though, because she's already so obsessed with caring for Rory herself that she barely lets the nanny do anything. I just want to help her be normal again, so I try to show her that she can be Rory's mother without being there every second, without cuddling and coddling her every three minutes, without not having any social life.

Rory will turn one tomorrow, and Lorelai insists, on a party, though it will only be her, Richard, me, and of course, Rory. The cook is making a little cake with "Happy 1st Birthday" on it, and Lorelai wants to put in a hot pink candle. We'll see about that. Rory is growing so fast, it's amazing. Every day it seems she does something new. I can't wait to see her grow up.

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**A/N: Well, that's it for this chapter! Please review! Tell me what you think of my idea, my grammar, this chapter, the way I'm writing Emily, or anything else! Please, please, please review (good or bad. I hope good, though.) I won't even start another chapter until I get reviews! (At least 2) **


	2. Will She Speak Her Many Minds?

**Oh, That Daughter of Mine**

**Disclaimer: You're not an idiot; you know I don't own it.**

**A/N: Thanks to those of you who reviewed! I hope you like this chapter too! Sorry if it seemed like a long wait. I'm busy, and not too inspired, even though I like writing the story. Also, I changed the format- I'm putting a break between each different sort of "diary entry," if you know what I mean.**

**Chapter Two: Will She Speak Her Many Minds?**

Yesterday was Rory's first birthday, and it was an absolute disaster. Lorelai went out and bought us all these _vulgar_ pink feathered party hats, and a pink cake topper and candle, and then came home and insisted that we wear them and put the cake topper on the cake. However, I had already had the cook make a nice little yellow cake with chocolate frosting, and it was very nicely decorated already, so I didn't let Lorelai put her pink plastic thing on it and ruin it. Immature girl that she is sometimes, she threw a screaming fit and got Rory all upset and by the time she was calm again, dinner was cold. Finally we got around to the cake (which had a little white candle in it, because Lorelai finally gave in) and we sung happy birthday and everyone was happy for a moment, watching Rory's beautiful little baby smile and hearing her giggle about our singing. Then the cook took the cake back into the kitchen to blow out the candle and cut it up, and Lorelai had another (though somewhat quieter) fit of immaturity.

Lorelai: "Why did you do that, mom? RORY is the birthday girl, SHE blows out the candles."

Me: "You know very well she can't and anyways even if she could blow that hard on command, she doesn't know she's supposed to!"

Lorelai, sulkily: "Well, I could have blown them out for her. I'm her mother."

I hated it when she said that. I still can't believe that my daughter, my only daughter, my one chance to show I can produce reasonably good people, is a mother at 17. I loved her and only wanted the best for her and then there came this. I love Rory too; it's just so hard to think of my baby as a mother herself. Especially with the immature way she's acting. Oh, well. Too late now, I suppose. I'm just glad that Rory won't remember this birthday.

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Two years ago, it seemed like it would be impossible for Lorelai to fight with me any more than she was then. Now I know better. Every day we fight now, or so it seems. Usually twice a day, in fact. Sometimes we fight about little things, like her messy room, and she says things like "I'm a mother, that means I'm a grown woman, so I don't have to obey all your rules!" Don't you see, Lorelai, that arguments like these are what make you a child? Can't you see?

Other times we fight over something big, like the way I want Rory raised and the way Lorelai wants to raise her (by which I mean: like a messy teenage girl). Then she gets upset and flies into fits of shouting at me, and I tell her that we should talk about this another time, she's too upset, and she yells at me about treating her like a child. She questions my authority, and says she should be treated like an adult because she ahs a child of her own, but I can't treat her that way unless she acts like it. All these fights are driving me mad, and it makes me sad, to see my family this way: a teenage daughter, angry at her parents and the world, with a child of her own; a mother, consumed by her daughter and her intense feelings, saving face with herSociety Lady façade; a father who works endlessly, and when he is home, must hide from his family's fights. And a granddaughter, a baby who knows nothing of her family's sorrows. This is my family, and it makes me sad. I wish I could go back in time, to the days where Lorelai loved me, and showed it, and it was easy for me to show my love in return, when I could sing her to sleep, when she would eat hot bananas on toast when she was sick. I wish I could return to simpler days.

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I wish the face the world saw was the truth. I wish that the fact that the hall holds twenty less people than we invited was the least of my problems; that my daughter had a baby but we were dealing well and she was returning to normality; that my husband and I were happy and perfect; that the maids really were bad and it wasn't just me. I wish it were all true. I wish I lived a simpler life, where I wasn't so insecure that I couldn't keep a normal human being as a maid; where my daughter didn't have a baby; where my husband and I really did feel like the characters in a 50s television show. I wish it were easier, but it isn't.

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Yesterday I came downstairs and was quite glad to see that Lorelai had finally put the stroller away, because ever since she bought it about a year and a half ago, it's been sitting in the front hall when she isn't using it. So I thought this was a good thing, because I was sure Lorelai hadn't taken Rory out in it because her car was gone, and she never takes Rory when she goes to the mall or the video store. So Lorelai had been cleaning. Strange, perhaps, but not a bad thing. However, when she didn't come back later that day, I started to worry, but I didn't do anything, because Lorelai never leaves Rory alone overnight, and the nanny didn't tell me she'd taken her out. Also, if Lorelai had gone out to a party or something, I wouldn't mind, because she hasn't been very social lately. So I went to bed calm. But now, now I am frantic, because Lorelai is gone and she took Rory with her and apparently the nanny was paid not to tell me (she's been fired, anyways, with Rory gone, we don't need her) and Lorelai just drove away. Maybe she will be back, maybe she has run away forever, but I hope she will tell me where she is sometime soon. I need to know she is safe. I need her to be safe. My world is already in disarray, and that would be the straw that broke the camel's back. Oh, dear God, I hope those girls are safe.

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Lorelai is safe, I suppose, though I don't know. She sent me a card telling me where she was and that she and Rory were happy there, and to please leave them alone. She is living in some little town called Stars Hollow, and she has gotten a job. I don't know, I just don't know. She wasn't raised to take a bad job in some small town; she wasn't raised to _need _a job at all! She wasn't raised to have a baby, and here we are though, I suppose. Lorelai is a handful and a headful too, a headful of thoughts.

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I'm wondering now, as the holidays are coming, whether by "please leave us alone here" Lorelai meant not to contact them at all. I want to invite Lorelai and Rory to our Christmas, party, but I don't want to make her angry anymore. I feel so helpless. I am her mother; I should at least be in control enough to invite my daughter to my Christmas party! And yet, here I am, questioning. Questioning Lorelai; does she really hate me so much she never wants to hear from me again? Questioning myself; am I really so unsure of my role in my family as the mother, and someone to be obeyed? Am I really so powerless as I feel?

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I've been thinking for days about this party business. It's now or never, all the other invitations are out, and if I don't send one to Lorelai now, it'll be too late to send one at all. I am sending her the invitation, with a note:

_Dear Lorelai,_

_I hope you can come. I know you don't want to see me, and you don't want Rory to see me, but I miss you. Yes, I miss you two and want to see you again. Please come. Please._

_Love, Emily_

I hope this is enough. That is the most of my true feelings about anything this dear to me that I've ever expressed, and I hope Lorelai is satisfied. I really do love her and miss her and Rory too. I don't want Rory not to know me. I am her grandmother and I love her and I want her to know that. I wish I had let Lorelai know that when she was young. Maybe she wouldn't hate me now.

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The R.S.V.P. card is here! At least she cared enough to send it back, even if it does say she won't come. I know she has grown up a little, because the Lorelai that left this house would have opened the envelope, seen what it was, and ripped the entire thing into a hundred pieces. I suppose if Lorelai comes, then, it will be a different Lorelai. I am about to open this little card, and it is so funny to hang my hopes, my one Christmas wish, on this little piece of paper. There. It's open. It reads (of course):

I (and/or my family)

I can't do it. I don't want to know. I don't want it to say yes and then have her not show up. Oh, all right. Here it goes:

I (and/or my family) will/ will not be attending the Gilmores' Christmas party.

She circled…

**TO BE CONTINUED….**

**A/N: Haha. I'm mean, I guess. It's a cliffhanger ending, but not too suspenseful, I don't think. I kinda did it because I couldn't decide what should happen. Please review! Tell me what you think! What do you think I should do on the card? What do you think should happen next? Go ahead, tell me! It's easy, just press that little purple button in the corner there and type away!**


	3. X Marks the Spot but Her Map Is Ripped

**Oh, That Daughter of Mine**

**Disclaimer: I am but a humble amateur and could never write or own Gilmore Girls. Sadly.**

**A/N: Thanks for your reviews! I'm really sorry I took so long. I'm trying to write faster. I really am! I've been away at camp, and I'm going away again, but when I come back and settle in again, I'll try to make this part of my routine. Anyways, I hope you like it!**

**Chapter Three: X Marks the Spot but Her Map Is Ripped**

_Last time on "Oh, That Daughter of Mine"…_

_I can't do it. I don't want to know. I don't want it to say yes and then have her not show up. Oh, all right. Here it goes: _

_I (and/or my family) will/ will not be attending the Gilmores' Christmas party._

_She circled… _

...will not! Oh, that girl! I love her and hate her all at once. I wish she knew the pain she caused me. She probably does, and she probably likes it too! On second thought, though, maybe this is a good thing. She won't be there; there will be no awkward tensions about how we haven't seen her, or with our friends about Rory, or anything. Maybe there will be a few questions: "Where is Lorelai?" But I can handle that. I wouldn't be able to handle her having a yelling fit during my party, or being awkward, since she did, essentially, run away form home. I just wish she would come, no strings attached, no problems or emotions or history clogging our relationship. I miss her.

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The party is over, and it was wonderful, except for that little empty ache in the pit of my stomach, or my heart, or someplace. I only know it was there. Nobody asked questions, nobody made cruel jokes, everyone was wonderful. The caterers got everything right for a change, except one assistant about Lorelai's age, who kept dropping things and falling over. At one point, after she dropped a tray of hors d'œuvres, I simply had to yell at her. She started to cry, and for some reason I felt very sympathetic, I suppose because she was so young, so I called over one of the other caterers and asked her to please, cheer this girl up and then could you both please go back to work. The second girl started doing this bizarre little dance and singing "Sookie, Sookie, Sookie, ee-at a cookie." The first girl smiled and started to sing too, "Anna, Anna, Anna, have a banana." Teenagers these days are so strange! I supposed it seemed important though, because it reminded me of how Lorelai used to act with her friends, so silly. The second girl stood up, and said to my confused look, "I was her babysitter when she was little; we invented that song when she was four." I nodded, and went back to the party. That was really the only remarkable thing that happened all night. The party went smoothly, everyone was happy, nothing else was dropped. The only thing wrong was this loneliness for Lorelai. Certainly if she had come she would have caused problems, but I guess I got used to her being there and causing trouble and everything went too well without her.

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I got a letter today, of sorts. Really it was just a card: "Merry Christmas from the Independence Inn!" She hadn't even written in anything else. It seems like someone there must care about her though, enough to give her a card and make her send it to her mother. I'm glad. I do want Lorelai to be happy; I just wish she could be happy here, where she belongs. I want to go and see her and Rory and give them their presents in person, but I don't want my dreams crushed. I know in reality she would be angry if I came, or sad, but every day I hope that really she misses me and home and just can't give up her grudge. I don't think it's true. I love her and I don't want to make her life any worse than it already must be.

I love her, and I'm going to keep her as happy as I can. It breaks my heart but I'll do it.

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I've been shopping for hours and I still don't have a present for Lorelai. Every time I think about her I miss her. Yesterday was the DAR Christmas party, and I saw Mr. and Mrs. Hayden there and all I could think about was Rory. They are her grandparents too. Such a strange thought! I am a grandmother, and Mrs. Hayden is also a grandmother. It makes me laugh though, to think of anyone calling that tall, cold, dignified woman "Grandma." I mean, her own child barely calls her "mom"! For the rest of the party every time I looked at her I laughed. In retrospective, I think I also drank a little too much.

I went all over the mall and the good department stores and I still have no idea at all what to get my daughter for Christmas. I tried all the jewelry stores and counters. Nothing that I liked or even thought she might like. So I tried to think like an eighteen-year-old girl. I looked at handbags. There was nothing there. I looked at dresses. I don't know what size Lorelai wears. I shopped until the mall closed, and I did find a present for Rory: a teddy bear, with a red ribbon around its neck and red paws and soft, soft fur. I hope she likes it. Tomorrow I will go back and find a present for my daughter. It seems ridiculous: I don't know my own daughter well enough to choose a gift for her.

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I went back and looked around. I stood right in the main plaza of the mall and just looked around, deciding which way to go, where to look. I was in despair over my inability to decide, so I gave up. I never give up, always get things just how I want them, but I couldn't stand it, so I gave up. I went and bought two crystal candlesticks. They're pretty and they sparkle in the candlelight. I hope they make Lorelai at least a little happy, even if I know they can't.

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I was wrapping the candlesticks in tissue paper and the in a box and wrapping paper for the package and I stopped. I'd forgotten the card. I began to write and I realized I don't know what to say. I don't know how to write a letter to my daughter. You're supposed to be able to talk to your child; you're not supposed to need to write letters to them! Children are supposed to live with their parents; they are supposed to be close all the time, so parents can care and watch and nurture. I was thinking this and I realized that my life is so far from the norm …so far from perfection. So I stopped writing. I got as far as:

Dear Lorelai and Rory,

Merry Christmas! I hope you like your presents. How are your celebrations going?

Then I stopped. I couldn't stand to think of "their celebrations" and "my celebrations." We are a family. They should be "our celebrations." I stopped wrapping, I stopped writing. I can't send this package to my daughter and granddaughter. I can't send them a stupid letter and their presents. I can't wrap up this love and missing and worry in tissue paper. I want to give it all to them, in person.

I am going to Stars Hollow.

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A/N: That's all for now, folks. Please review! I know you're angry it took so long, and I would promise to hurry, but I'm sad to say I'm going away for four weeks now. The day I come back I'll write another chapter. 


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